I've always been obsessed with the word "douche." There was a small moment where that fascination faltered: I was in junior high school when my mother overheard me calling my younger brother a douche. I was only repeating what I'd heard on the school bus earlier that day. The school bus was a plethora of naughty words. Hell, it's where I learned almost everything I know about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll.

Like any good parent my mother chastised me. She asked if I even knew what the word "douche" meant. I hung my head in shame and admitted I didn't.

She read my brother and I the following out of the dictionary: "a jet or current of liquid (as a cleansing solution) directed against or into a bodily part or cavity (as the vagina)."

After she finished, my brother and I both made the appropriate dry-heaving noises and promised never to use the word again. We lied, because that's what kids do. I've been using the word and variations of it ever since.

"Douche" is such a versatile word. You can easily modify it to fit any situation, which really comes in handy at work, and especially at school. For example, last week was the University of Utah's homecoming game. The college fraternities and sororities decorated their houses, turning frat row into douche row. I'm guessing the frat boys had help decorating from their douchebots. You know, those girls who follow them around like lovesick puppies. Of course there was probably a prize awarded to the biggest douche palace. I'm not frat-bashing, I'm douche-bashing.

See how easy that was?

You can add "douche" to almost any insult for an additional douchetastic comment. Most people deserve to be called a douchebag on occasion, but I prefer to spice the insults up a little bit. I reserve the term "douchehole" for people who really piss me off. For example, last week a motorcycle cop pulled the person in front of me over while I was driving to work. Maneuvering my car around the incident was annoying. Rather than calmly ignore them I yelled, "Hey douchehole don't be a douchesicle. Stop worrying about your stupid douchestache getting dirty and pull your motorcycle out of the way."

OK, I didn't really yell that out the window because getting arrested would have made me really late for work. However, I did whisper it loudly from inside the safety of my own car. I'm a rebel like that.

As you can see, the word "douche" can fit almost every occasion. I say 'almost' because I wouldn't recommend calling your boss a douche, or writing it on party invites. It's important to have a douche filter and use only when appropriate, which is about 92 percent of the time. Now, if you'll excuse me I've got to figure out how to set my ring tone to the dictionary dude pronouncing the word "douche" repeatedly.

Sarah Nielson can be reached at snielson@inthisweek.com. Follow her daily on Twitter (twitter.com/sarahbelum) or read her blog (sarahnielson.com).