Everyone knows that an easy way to judge women is to ask them random questions, then gauge their innocent responses, and then arbitrarily make irrational conclusions about them. Thankfully, I've created a system to help refine this process.

Suppose you're a nerd and you just landed that dream date with some broad you've "had your sights set on." You sit across the table staring deep into her breasts, and now you're oafishly asking yourself, "Will she put out? How can I tell?"

The answer of course is to ask a comic book related question and then gauge her response.

If you can get this system down you'll quickly learn everything you need to know.

First ask, "Who's your favorite male comic book hero?" A fairly open-ended question that will elicit an honest reaction. Now that the trap is set, I'll teach you how to decode her answer. A basic rule is, the hunkier the character the worse your chances are (assuming you're not a sexy doctor lawyer like me.). Let's say she says something shallow like Superman, or the Wolverine. Tell her you need to go to the bathroom, and then leave that superficial hoe with the check. This was a pity date.

Some girls will come up with more lukewarm responses: Green Arrow, or Hawk-eye. In this case you could be dealing with a nice girl who might be able to look past your acne-riddled face and kazoo-like breathing -- but I wouldn't promise anything.

Some responses are trickier than others. For example, if she says Thor or Gambit, she's obviously looking for a gay friend and there's no need to continue the conversation. You are dealing with a fag-hag.

Ideally, she'll come up with an answer such as The Penguin or Blob. If she says the Molecule Man, I can guarantee a 100,000 percent chance of getting laid.

Now, go get 'em nerds!

-- Jason Young A.K.A. Dr. Cyborg Robot M.D. Attorney at law-5, bigshinyrobot.com